Assuring Adopted Children That You Can't Change Their Past
Every once in awhile, adopted children truly wish their life had turned out another way, and that's an ordinary part of their own personal developmental process. They are fully aware that they can't change their pasts. They will often blame themselves for being placed for adoption. They'll say that they weren't a good baby and that's why they were placed, or maybe they'll say that when they were in mommy's belly, they made her sick. Whatever reason the child comes up with, it's obviously not true. It's your job as an adoptive parent to help them realize that adoption wasn't their "fault." Their birthmother made a very good decision and you and your spouse wanted to have your son or daughter in your life.
Oftentimes, the issues that hurt with adoption are left undiscussed. So, when children say that they miss their "real mom" or they want to know what their "real" mommy and daddy were like, it may be difficult to come up with a response. Sure, you could say that you love him or her and you're very glad that he or she is now in your life. But to your children, it will sound as if you aren't truly listening to their concerns. Of course you are listening, but to them, it seems as if it isn't so when you mention how much you and your spouse love him or her. To remedy this, it will take time. A lot of time and patience. You will need to show your adopted child that you are patient and nurturing. Sit with them and let them tell you everything that worries them about their adoption, or anything they may want to know about their birthmother. Be sure to let them know that their birthmother made a very selfless decision and she still loves him or her very much.
Your adopted child will thrive off of love and caring in their life so be sure you tell them often how much they mean to you and how happy you are to have them in your life. Let them know that their past is their past and you're going to be in their life for the rest of their future. It may seem silly, but they need this reassurance.
For more information about re-assuring your adopted son or daughter, please contact us today!
"How do I thank you for making my dreams come true? Stacy is a healthy, beautiful, wonderful child and I am so in love with her and so very happy. The entire process of adoption was a joyful one for me and I am so very glad I took your advice regarding the wisdom of an open adoption as I still have a warm relationship with my birth mother. I thank you for your guidance and help."
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