Being Adopted and Answering Questions

Being adopted is fascinating. People frequently ask adoptees where their real mothers and fathers are and question why adoptees don't look like their brothers and sisters. Some individuals tell adoptees they ought to feel thankful for being adopted. If not anticipated, these questions and remarks may leave an adoptee at a loss for words and also feeling self-conscious.

Hopefully, adoptive parents understand enough these days to provide their children with the tools to handle the unavoidable questions which will come up around adoption issues. Confidence may be built by role-playing, having five different answers to the same question and by understanding how to teach people about adoption. Humor helps as well.

"Real" Parents

Here are a few ideas on how adoptees can react when asked where their real mother and father are:

    "They're at home."
    "You mean my birth mother and father?"
    "I don't think I understand what you mean by “real.”"
    "You must be referring to my birthparents."
    "Actually, I have both birthparents and adopted parents, so which are you referring to?"

Knowledge is definitely power, and adoptees need all the power they're able to get when faced with thoughtless people asking insensitive questions. Education about adoption begins in your own home. If adoptees have learned the terms to explain the people in their lives, then they will be better in a position to deal with comments and questions that come their way.

Physical Differences

Here are a few suggestions for when somebody says, "Wow, you and your sister do not look anything alike!":

    "Yeah, I guess you're right."
    "Oh, you noticed! Thank you!"
    "I know, we're both adopted."
    "Yeah, a lot of people say that."
    "Yeah, that's because I'm adopted."

Answering questions and comments does not always mean revealing personal information or getting into private feelings. Each scenario will involve figuring out whether or not to agree, disagree, educate, or move ahead.

Grateful

Below are a few suggestions for responding to individuals who speak about adoptees and being grateful:

    "Yes, you are definitely right about that!"
    "Shouldn't we all be grateful?"
    "I'm very grateful for what my parents provide me."
    "Yes, I am very grateful for what my parents have done and for what my birthmother did.”

Unquestionably, individuals will still ask adoptees intriguing questions. Being adopted should involve being ready to reply to those questions and comments in a way that addresses a person's truth and builds confidence.