Friendships, Social Skills, and Adopted Children

With adopted children, there are unfortunately many with friendship and social skill troubles. It may be among the most distressing problems that will crop up for adoptive parents. But there is also a solution - good quality resources are available to help children with social skill challenges, and there is a great deal that mothers and fathers can do to help.

Adoptive parents will frequently point out that their adopted children "feel" and act much younger than  they are and are drawn towards younger children or are more fascinated with adults than peers. It's not easy for them to share dialogue. They might reveal too much private information or have difficulties finding interests in common. They might have problems joining their classmates in playing. They frequently don't have a sense of how to be a good host whenever having friends over (managing the play, and so on). Young boys might take things too far, getting too rowdy or out of hand. Girls might be needy or even bossy. Children might not get invited to play-dates or get-togethers, and may even lack a good close friend. All this could possibly be perplexing for both parent and child.

Childhood friendship issues is a subject matter that raises powerful feelings in most adults. Many people are able to safely say that they don't know anyone who had a flawlessly socially successful childhood, and just reading through the last paragraph can bring up memories of isolation and being rejected in your own years as a child. Whenever we see our little ones having such troubles, it's truly difficult to stay present and clear-minded about what is happening. However it's crucial that you find a balance of appropriate concern and engagement. Accusing the peer group, assuming things will be better in a different school, or otherwise ignoring the problem isn't particularly helpful; neither is overreacting, nervous hovering in social situations, or trying to entice or force other young children to include your son or daughter.

Help your children with the fundamentals of social interactions

• Teach your son or daughter the correct social greetings-and-responses, and what degree of physical contact is suitable for whom
• Motivate and model use of constructive statements like compliments and agreement
• Help your children learn how to have a chat
• Practice these skills again and again

Help children have regular, successful play dates

• For younger/less mature children, having short, more organized play dates might help
• Practice being a good host ahead of time, and come up with possible things to do that their guests might have fun with
• In terms of games, stress shared fun over winning or losing, and good manners

As a parent, stay conscious of how things are going without hovering