Helping Your Middle-School Aged Child With Adoption Issues

Undoubtedly adopted children and their families are particularly responsive to some problems and might struggle more when confronted with specific situations. However, who among us does not have specific sensitivities? Everyone has specific sensitivities, areas in our life that can cause us to stress and wonder, and scenarios in which we're feeling significantly less comfortable. The bottom line is that every one of us is just plain human. Acknowledging our humanness allows us to settle down and offers a warm, accepting model for our children.   

There are plenty of theories relating to child development to help with adoption problems in middle-school aged children and these theories can be used by mothers and fathers to better understand their  child. With a fundamental comprehension of how the common child grows and develops, mothers and fathers are better suited to realize when the child might be a little off course, and for that reason can be there to provide what the child needs. Often young children just need approval, constant redirection, or properly set boundaries.

During middle-childhood, adoptees frequently show feelings of not being "like" their adoptive mothers and fathers. To grasp the foundation for these very real and often overwhelming feelings, we must understand the manner in which youngsters categorize things. At this age, young children use actual physical qualities and appearance to categorize who and/or what fits together and also what does not. Put simply, having brown hair and blue eyes in a family in which everybody else has red hair and green eyes could minimize a child's feeling of belonging.

You are able to help your son or daughter by pointing out the numerous ways people in your family are similar. One method, known as claiming, may be particularly useful.

• "Becky, you tie your shoes by making two loops! That's how I did it also when I was your age."
• "We sure are a family that likes the outdoors, huh?"
•  "Anthony is good at coming up with fun games to play. My brother was always doing that when we were young people."
•  "When I was a little boy, cheese pizza was my favorite, also!"

By using these types of statements helps young children feel attached to you by showcasing behavioral or personality traits, likes and dislikes, facial expression, even anxieties and joys which are shared. Although this similarity is not because of any genetic link, it does improve the child's feeling of belonging, as the focus is on how people in your family are similar.

Children between the ages of 6 and 11 spend a lot of time comparing themselves to their friends; who's more intelligent, more athletic, more attractive, richer, the list goes on and on. Sadly, what they are trying to work out is who is better and who is worse

A good way to help is to give your son or daughter a chance to feel like other children. Make sure that your group of family friends includes as many other adoptive families as is possible. Try to discover other adoptees in your child's school, gymnastics program, or football team. Also, remember adults. It's possible that you've got pals who are adopted. Your son or daughter should see samples of adult adoptees who are living lively, healthy lives. Having other people in our life who are like us helps everybody feel normal.

For more information about working with your middle school-aged adopted child, please contact us!