Raising Adopted Children With a Strong Identity
Many adoptees will tell you that the story of their adoption has made them a strong, confident person who's ready to take on the world. Some adopted individuals, however, may feel ashamed of their adoption or may even struggle to come to terms with who they are.
If your adopted child has feelings of abandonment, feelings of loss or grief, a tendency to blame all problems on themselves because of the adoption, then you need to work with them to get over these negative feelings. You love your adopted child more than anything but sometimes adopted individuals need a little help to get over their feelings of shame and abandonment.
First off, you need to tell your child that they are allowed to have these feelings. Don't try to tell them that what they're feeling is wrong or that they should just get over it. Your adopted child needs to know from you that it's okay to feel sad about being adopted. You will need to talk with them in-depth about why you chose adoption and about why some birth mothers give their children up for adoption. It's nothing that the child did wrong. You need to stress this.