Building a Bond Between Birth and Adoptive Mothers

Understandably, the adoption process can be very stressful and bring it can bring out a variety of emotions for both you and the birth mother. If the adoption is open, it's very important that you bond with the birth mother and build a strong, lasting relationship with her. After all, she did selflessly provide you with your new loved one.

You may be scared to confront your child's birth mother. You may worry that she doesn't want a relationship with you, or maybe you are afraid that you two will never be very close. Chances are very good that she does want to have a relationship with you, and you two will naturally be very close since you are both parents of the child—even if you are the active parent.

Speaking with the birth mother of your child can be a very calm and comforting situation. You can both talk through your feelings, whether they are about the adoption in general or about your lives. Developing this bond is something that you will never regret.

Communication

You and the birth mother of your child need to communicate. It might help to develop a communication schedule with her. Maybe you will talk everyday, every other day, or maybe once a week. It depends on your schedules. It's also a good idea to swap e-mail addresses. In this day and age, most people are connected with the Internet. Maybe it would be easier for both of you to keep in touch through e-mail messages. With e-mails, you can send videos and pictures of your child and share them with their birth mother.

Respect

Be respectful of the birth mother's feelings. Don't try to put her down or make her feel badly about the decision that she made to give her child up for adoption. It may not have been something you would do personally, but through the acts of another, you were able to have a child. Understand that the birth mother of your child is going through many feelings. Some of them may be similar to yours, and some of them are entirely different. Respect the fact that she may need some space from time to time and you may also, as well. If this is the case, feel comfortable sharing the information with the birth mother.

Patience

At first, the birth mother of your child may not feel very comfortable talking with you or vice versa. You may feel scared or worried about opening up to her. Just give it time and you will both come around and want to talk with each other, for the sake of the child's best interests.