Helping a Birthmother Cope With Adoption
The birthmother going through an unplanned pregnancy makes the tough decision to place her baby for adoption with a family she has decided on. She may or may not have the support of her mother and father and her brothers and sisters or even the birth father. You would like to help her but aren't sure what you should say and what not to say. Here are a few helpful tips:
1. Make sure you let her know that you're alongside her 100% and that you are here for her anytime she needs somebody to talk to. There is nothing more challenging than making the decision to place your child for adoption and then to have everybody judging you, criticizing you, and also rejecting you.
2. Remind her that she can be open and honest and you'll not judge, criticize or give guidance unless she requests it. Sometimes she just wants someone to listen to her.
3. She's still a woman carrying a child. The baby is really a part of her. It's okay to ask her questions like: How's she feeling? Does she notice the baby moving? How might that make her feel? You can be excited together with her about the child growing inside her. Take your lead from her.
4. It's okay to discuss her baby's future...who will they look like? Will they have her personality? Will they love exactly what she loves?
5. Discuss the relationship she is having with her adoptive family. How do these individuals get along? Just what are they like? What makes you content about them being the mother and father of your child? This new family will always be a part of her.
6. Discuss her future. What will she do once the baby has been born? What exactly are her goals and desires? What's she doing to get ready for her future while she is getting ready for her child's future? How will you help her prepare for that time? Search on the internet together or go to colleges with each other...visit the library and do some research.
7. Spend time with her! She still enjoys shopping, movies and eating yummy food!
8. Offer to help her make a family scrapbook to give to the adoptive couple for the baby when he or she's older.
9. Motivate her to write letters for the baby which can be kept for him them when they can read or wish to know a little more about their biological family.
10. Be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and chuckle with. It's okay to still have fun and giggle together.
11. Following the birth, be there for her. Sometimes no words are needed. Often the best thing to say is nothing. Just be there.
Thank you so much for making my adoption journey as pleasant as possible. I was so pleased with your office & most of the staff. Thanks again.
Heidi R. - Birth Mother
|Radis Adoptions - Adoption Pregnancy Center|